The Gift of Time: A Mother’s Journey Through Loss and Legacy
In November 2024, Emily Rollinson faced every parent’s deepest heartbreak. Her son, Dexter, was stillborn after being diagnosed with a rare, terminal condition during her pregnancy. With the painful foreknowledge that he would not survive, Emily chose to carry her pregnancy to term, hoping for precious moments of life after birth. While Dexter sadly passed during labour, Emily’s story is not solely one of loss, but profoundly one of love, memory, and the invaluable gift of time—made possible by a simple yet extraordinary piece of technology known as a “cuddle cot.”
The Profound Impact of a Cuddle Cot
A cuddle cot is a specially designed bassinet with an integrated cooling system, allowing a family to keep their baby’s body at home for a period after death. For Emily, supported by her dedicated bereavement midwife Harriet Whyatt at Tunbridge Wells Hospital, this meant she could bring Dexter home for ten days. This time was transformative. It granted her the space to grieve on her own terms and, crucially, to build a lifetime of memories in a few short days. She took Dexter on walks, had casts made of his hands and face, and even put up the family Christmas tree with him present. This period of gentle, private farewell allowed her to begin processing her grief not in the sterile environment of a hospital, but within the comforting embrace of her own home, creating tangible connections to the son she held for too short a time.
Turning Grief into a Garden of Remembrance
Eighteen months later, Emily’s love for Dexter continues to inspire action. Driven by a desire to honour his brief life and support other grieving families, she collaborated with Harriet on a visionary project: creating a dedicated baby loss memorial garden at Tunbridge Wells Hospital. The garden is envisioned as a sanctuary of peace and recognition. Central to Emily’s vision is a memorial wall where names like Dexter’s can be inscribed on plaques. “I really want Dexter’s name to be written somewhere,” Emily explains. Having been cremated, she feels it is vital for his name to exist publicly—a place where people can read it, say it, and keep his memory alive.
A Sanctuary for Whole-Family Healing
The plans for the garden extend beyond the memorial wall, reflecting a deep understanding of the ripple effects of infant loss. It will feature a “Post Box to Heaven,” a concept Emily is passionate about, providing a symbolic outlet for children and adults to express their grief through letters, pictures, and cards. There are also hopes for a play area, acknowledging that siblings need space and care while their parents navigate their sorrow. As midwife Harriet emphasizes, loss affects the entire family network—grandparents, aunts, uncles, and siblings—and the garden aims to be a family-friendly haven for all. It is intended as a safe, quiet place for reflection and a tangible source of comfort for anyone touched by such a tragedy.
Building on a Legacy of Compassion
Emily’s care was guided by the hospital’s existing “Hope Butler” bereavement suite—a facility itself born from a mother’s loss and fundraising three decades prior. This continuity of care highlights the enduring importance of such support systems. Harriet, with over a decade of experience, underscores how critical this immediate and ongoing care is, from providing memory boxes in partnership with the charity Sands to hosting monthly coffee mornings for bereaved parents. Emily finds profound solace in these connections, noting, “When you lose a baby… it’s incredibly lonely. Connecting with other mums that have felt the same… has always been really important to me.”
A Community’s Role in Honoring Little Lives
Today, Emily and Harriet are deep in the practical work of making the memorial garden a reality. Through community fundraising events, like a family fun day on August 2nd, and generous donations from local businesses and individuals, they are steadily working toward their £20,000 goal. Each donation, whether a monetary contribution or the gift of materials and skills, builds not just a physical garden but a testament to a community’s compassion. Emily’s journey, from the intimate ten days with Dexter to this public campaign for remembrance, illustrates a powerful truth: while grief may begin in solitude, healing is often found in shared purpose, in the act of turning profound personal loss into a legacy of support, recognition, and love for others on the same difficult path.
